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“I met a beautiful, articulate trans top who fucked me,” he explains. “Horseshit,” counters Mark, another straight man on Grindr whose profile specifies that he’s “only attracted to women” and has “n0 interest in men.” The 31-year-old Californian tells me he’s been on Grindr for about three years and has connected with “lots” of women, the most recent being his favorite.
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“They want to have their cake and eat it too,” posits Platinumdust05, suggesting these men are in denial, likening it to when guys say things like, “I’m not gay, I just have a dick fetish.” Other redditors offer blatantly transphobic reasoning: That men on Grindr who pursue trans women are “deep in the closet” and attempting to satisfy their desire for the same sex within a feminine package in order to convince themselves it’s not gay. Gay men: How do you feel about straight men on Grindr seeking TS who post "no men" from askgaybros “Grindr is a gay hookup app for bisexual and gay men, and straight men shouldn’t be on it in my opinion.” (A spokesperson for Grindr declined to comment on the matter despite multiple interview requests.) “It’s like we’re being excluded within our own community.” Coronacivica echoes this sentiment. “I don’t understand why Grindr has gone to the extent of bringing in gender identities and preferred pronouns filters when it’s literally a gay hookup/dating app,” says Adam, a 26-year-old gay man in Sydney, Australia. Some of the men I poll in the r/askgaybros subreddit agree. This is one consequence of the trans revolution: Gay male spaces and lesbian female spaces are being erased.” “To have trans women hitting on me - when it’s clear I’m not into women - is openly homophobic. “To read ‘no homos’ or ‘no men’ on a gay male app is troubling,” he says. It’s especially prevalent in Washington, D.C., where a college friend tells me it’s “surreal” to go to a gay friendly space and see people explicitly ruling out gay sex.
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The growing trend of Jeremy and others posting “no men” on Grindr is understandably frustrating for some gay men who tell me they feel sidelined in a space originally designed for them. And because they have penises, they know what it should feel like, or at least all the little details.” There are trans women on Grindr who are totally into servicing men, and those are the ones I’m after. “I have no interest in penises, but sex is sex if I’m getting off. And while the sex wasn’t earth-shattering - “showed up, got sucked, did the fucking, I came, then left” - that’s exactly how he likes it. “I have zero attraction to men,” he repeats.ĭespite being catfished three times and another three people cancelling at the last minute, he’s thrilled to have had two successful meet-ups in as many weeks, which he calls “way better” odds than he ever had on Tinder. “I got over 100 messages in the first week,” he says, admitting the attention was nice but “didn’t really fill the void.” That’s because around 95 of them were from guys, four were crossdressers and only two were actual trans women. He knew Grindr was popular - the “gay Tinder,” as he puts it - so when he learned it included a “trans” category he quietly downloaded the orange-and-black mask onto his iPhone. Living alone as a caretaker for his grandmother with dementia, Jeremy tells me he’s “pretty lonely IRL.” His father recently passed away six weeks later his girlfriend dumped him. The 27-year-old personal trainer from Northern California is only interested in meeting trans women.Įarlier this month, he left Tinder, the go-to hetero dating app, after averaging a measly two matches a week and meeting only four people in six months. Like most of them, however, Jeremy’s profile includes a perplexing caveat: “No Guys,” it reads, adding that any messages from men will be deleted. Jeremy is one of an increasing number of straight men on Grindr, the hookup app created in 2009 for men who have sex with men.